BRAVERY

(Are you a bully? A doormat?)

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Individuals under stress often react in extremes. Obese people sometimes feel “different” from others. They may feel “self conscious” instead of “self confident.”

These extreme feelings manifest expression in behavior. Some people become bullies, and some people become victims. Some people become “bossy;” others become overly compliant.

I must have been being bossy the day I learned that I was “fat.” I was only 6 years old. My cousin from town had come to visit. When we were playing, he said, “Just because you’re fat doesn’t mean you can always have your way.” Some people demand their way. You must be brave to stand up for yourself. My cousin was.

Demanding your own way is not very attractive, but some people just like to be the boss, no matter who they hurt.

An equally unattractive attribute is being willing to lie down and become somebody’s doormat. Do you do one or the other?

If you have been the doormat, after weight loss you may try to break those old habits of allowing others to take advantage of you. You must be brave enough to stand up to the bully and say, “I’m not going to take it anymore.”

Developing assertiveness takes guts. An essentially overlooked fact is that if there is one area of your life in which you are allowing yourself to be victimized, that area of your life will be permeated everything you do will be tainted by your unconscious attitude.

You cannot have full integrity in your life if you allow victimization in your life at all.

When you allow yourself to be a victim, you are not open to experiencing the whole of life. It is hard to think when someone is “on your back.” Creativity is stifled. Your joy is stolen.

Are you brave enough to speak up for yourself? When someone “talks down”: to you, do you just swallow and absorb their negativity into your soul? Of do you refuse to be treated poorly and speak up for yourself?

You must be brave. Your life depends on it.

If you are having trouble with a bully in your life, maybe we should talk.

Visit me at www.jentalk.com.

Jennifer is in private practice in Charlotte, North Carolina.

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